Spiritual encouragement

I am trying to spend time in the word and in Christian books. I am reading in Acts currently. Paul is in Athens and he is teaching about this "new religion" (NLT). As he is defending/explaining, I was struck by how great our God is; how able He is! (Able to take us through this time of separation and illness!)

Acts 17:24-28,

"He is the God who made the world and everything in it. Since He is Lord of heaven and earth, He doesn't live in man-made temples, and human hands can't serve His needs - for He has no needs. He Himself gives life and breath to everything, and He satisfies every need there is. From one man He created all the nations throughout the whole earth. He decided beforehand which should rise and fall, and He determined their boundaries. His purpose in all of this was that the nations should seek after God and perhaps feel their way toward Him and find Him - though he is not far from any one of us. For in Him we live and move and exist. As one of your own poets says, 'We are His offspring.'"

I am also reading Lysa Terkeurst's "What Happens When Women Walk in Faith". It is really a devotional. It is a study of "the five phases of faith you'll pass through to achieve your dream". I don't feel as if I am really in the pursuit of a dream currently. At least not personally. WE are in pursuit of Noelle's healing. Compared to when we were in pursuit of God's calling to adoption, I am frustrated by a lack of spiritual calling in my life right now.

The books second phase is Famine. My heart resonates with that right now. Terkeurst says, "God sees you trying. He knows when you are doing the best you can."

But am I really doing my best...

"My Heart's Cry"

My parents sent me a box of books. Thanks Mom and Dad. In order to encourage my spiritual journey, I decided I would read one Christian book then one fiction. So this book is the first one I chose; written by Anne Graham Lotz. To be honest I am not in love with her writing style. She interrupts her writing with poetic lists way too often. But the following passage struck me:

"Actually, for the majority of people, including Christian leaders and teachers, life is just not fair! It's hard and often unlike what we expect."

The endnotes add, "While life is unfair and hard for everyone, Christians and non-Christians alike, the Christian has a decided advantage because we know our pressures, pain, and problems are not wasted. They serve a divine purpose that is ultimately for our good and God's glory."

Romans 8:28, "And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose for them."

Verse for today

This was in my devotional from "Jesus Today".

Matthew 6:34,
"Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.", the Message.

Clinging to God's words.

WHY???

I'll be honest in the last three years I have asked that question a lot. Most of the time my inquiries are addressed to God.

Why is there disease in the world, especially Lyme disease?
Why is Noelle so sick?
Why doesn't she get better?
Why when we were obedient concerning adoption have things been so difficult for our family?
Why when there are little things we have prayed for Noelle has the answer been no so often?
WHY, WHY, WHY?

Obviously these are my personal selfish whys. If I go beyond the walls of my home, even just as far as our extended families, the list grows and grows.

Our church, Prairie Lakes, for the second fall is doing a church wide study. We are taking the challenge to read the New Testament between now and Thanksgiving. Most of those that have committed to the challenge are meeting with a small group to process the readings and our personal journals.

The first week that we met our group struggled with these questions, especially in relation to an exhibit on Human Trafficking that we were discussing. Two things hit me hard.

**When we ask why, we are doubting God' goodness!
**Focusing on why is a tool of the devil!

I think both of these comments were raised by a woman quoting her son after he lost his four year old child! Wow! I have so far to go.

Lord, help me to believe in your goodness. No matter what my circumstances. Help me to believe in your goodness and your love for Noelle. Amen. So be it!!

My prayer

Psalm 25

(Paraphrase by me)

In You, Lord my God, I put my trust.  I trust in You; do not let me doubt, nor let my circumstances triumph over me.  No one who hopes in You will ever be alone.  Show me your ways, Lord, teach me Your paths.  Guide me in Your truth and teach me, for You are God my Savior, and my hope is in You all day long.  Remember, Lord, Your great mercy and love, for they are from old.  Do not remember the sins of my youth and my rebellious ways; according to Your love remember me, for You, Lord, are good.  Good and upright is the Lord; therefore He instructs sinners in His ways.  He guides the humble in what is right and teaches them His way.  All the ways of the Lord are loving and faithful toward those who keep the demands of His covenant.  For the sake of Your name, Lord, forgive my unbelief, though it is great.  Who then are those who fear the Lord?  He will instruct them in the ways they should choose.  They will spend their days in peace, and their descendants will inherit mercy.  The Lord confides in those who fear Him; He makes His presence known to them.  My eyes are ever on the Lord, for only He will release my body from pain.  Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted.  Relieve the troubles of my heart and free me from my anguish.  Look on my affliction and my distress and take away all my pain.  See how numerous my afflictions and how fiercely they attack me.  Guard my life and rescue me; do not let me be downhearted, for I take refuge in You.  May integrity and uprightness protect me, because my hope, Lord, is in You.  Deliver me, O God, from all my troubles.

Noelle had a rough weekend.  We are doing a study on spiritual disciplines at church and we are studying prayer this week. I am trying to figure out how that needs to look in my life.  I know I need more.  This paraphrase is for Noelle.  I am going to try and pray this for her, over her, frequently.  She had to come home early from homecoming, no bonfire for her.  She had to watch her soccer team laying on a blanket.  That was the only time she left her bed yesterday and she is there again today.  

We watched a documentary on Lyme's disease, "Under our Skin".  Scared me.

Who's Asaph?

Last March I began to read the Bible through.  I am embarrassed to say that in a year I have only made it to the Psalms!  But as I was reading tonight I kept thinking, "Who is Asaph?"  I went to a Christian school, shouldn't I know this.  Let me know if you know.

Tonight I read:

Psalm 78:5b-8

"He commanded our ancestors
to teach them to their children,
so the next generation might know
them-
even the children not yet born-
that they in turn might teach their
children.
So each generation can set its hope
anew on God,
remembering His glorious miracles
Then they will not be like their
ancestors-
stubborn, rebellious, and unfaithful,
refusing to give their hearts to God."

Father, I pray that Scott and I would do our part.  I beg that You would draw our children unto Yourself.  That they would make their faith in You real and personal!"

A Spiritual Retreat

There are things I can blog about and things I don't feel comfortable blogging about. The past month has been rough and I don't feel that I can share any details. I can say that as a "diamond in the rough" I was able to get about eight days of really good time with God. I have read through Judges. I have listened to tons of praise music and I have prayed and prayed and prayed some more. I also read some great books: "A Place of Healing" by Joni Eareckson Tada, "God is Closer than You Think" by John Ortberg, "Life of the Beloved" by Henri Nouwen, "Breaking the Rules" by Fil Anderson, and I started "Five Smooth Stones" by Tom Nelson.

I feel very refreshed and that was needed. Now I just pray that I can continue to find the Lord throughout my day. Right now I am going to read my Bible before I go to bed. No Pogo for me!

Things are still hard for our family. Lots going on in many different areas. But our world is in HIS capable hands.

Awesome Book Study!!

Can't remember if I mentioned or not...we are finally in an adult small group. After leading youth small groups for thirteen years, we are so excited. The book Chasing Daylight by Erwin McManus is what we are reading. We are watching video clips and using the workbook, but this book absolutely will stand alone! It is a study of Jonathan, and focuses on seizing your divine moment. Here a just a few of the many, many things that I have underlined.

-"The most spiritual activity you will engage in today is making choices."

-"There are things God does for you and things that God waits for you to do."

-"...while God leaves us with many choices to make, when He has spoken, the one right choice is to obey."

-"We must resolve not only to leave the path of doing evil, but also to passionately pursue a life of doing good."

-"At worst a passive life is only pitied, yet God counts it as a tragedy when we choose to simply watch life rather than live it. Jesus described as wicked the person who leaves his talent unused. When we fail to choose, we choose to fail. You cannot put your life on hold. It moves forward with or without your approval. Choosing not to choose does not put off the problem, only exacerbates it."

-"...when you are passionate about God, you can trust your passions."

-"God rarely shows you the problem so that you can tell someone else about it."

I could go on and on. If you want to be challenged to step outside of your comfort zone and live for God in a way that will rock your world...this is the book for you. If that scares you, read it anyway!

WAITING

What does a blogger do while she's waiting...she blogs! And prays. LOTS!!!

Wait: to hold oneself ready for an arrival or occurrence. to be in expectation or hope of something.

The Bible says:

Psalm 27:4 "Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord."

Psalm 130:5 "I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in His word I put my hope."

Isaiah 40 :31 "But they that wait upon the Lord; shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run, and not by weary; and they shall walk, and not faint."

If you have any more good ones, let me know. As I wait, and pace, and pray for my phone call that reveals our daughter's court results!

God is good...all the time!

Today was a good day. Jon and Marisa Foltz, Collin and Summer, arrived from Arkansas. I spent the day preparing, cleaning, etc. The good part is that I didn't get stressed out. Sometimes I do that.

Noelle went to Wild Life tonight, which is a division of Young Life. Things have been tough lately with Noelle. We are trying to find out if the stomach aches, etc. she is having are the result of physical problems or are stress related. She went to school Tuesday through Friday...Yeah! She slept in her bed Wednesday and Thursday...Yeah!

Jake went to the West football game tonight and he made it into the National Honor Society. And he is taking a great girl to homecoming tomorrow night! (as friends, we do not encourage high school dating, much to his distress)

Scott has spent a lot of time praying the last two weeks with the financial state of our nation as it is. He is an investment advisor. Good news is, he gets to forget about all that and run a marathon on Sunday. Might not sound fun to you, sure doesn't to me, but he loves it!

One week from today, October 3, is our court date in Ethiopia. Please pray that everything would go according to God's plan and that we would be able to accept His plan! I cannot wait to hear that our little angel is truly ours!

Psalm 145

" I will praise you, my God and King,
and bless your name forever and ever.
I will bless you every day,
and I will praise you forever.
Great is the Lord! He is most worthy
of praise!
His greatness is beyond discovery!

Let each generation tell its children
of your mighty acts.
I will meditate on your majestic,
glorious splendor
and your wonderful miracles.
Your awe-inspiring deeds will be on
every tongue;
I will proclaim your greatness.
Everyone will share the story of your
wonderful goodness;
they will sing with joy of your
righteousness.

The Lord is kind and merciful,
slow to get angry, full of unfailing love.
The Lord is good to everyone.
He showers compassion on all his
creation.
All of your works will thank you, Lord,
and your faithful followers will bless
you.

They will talk together about the glory
of your kingdom;
they will celebrate examples of your
power.
They will tell about your mighty deeds
and about the majesty and glory of
your reign.
For your kingdom is an everlasting
kingdom.
You rule generation after generation.

The Lord is faithful in all He says;
He is gracious in all He does.
The Lord helps the fallen
and lifts up those bent beneath their
loads.
All eyes look to you for help;
you give them their food as they
need it.
When you open your hand,
you satisfy the hunger and thirst of
every living thing.

The Lord is righteous in everything He
does;
He is filled with kindness.
The Lord is close to all who call on Him,
yes, to all who call on Him sincerely.
He fulfills the desires of those who fear
Him;
He hears their cries for help and
rescues them.
The Lord protects all those who love
Him,
but He destroys the wicked.

I will praise the Lord,
and everyone on earth will bless His
holy name
forever and forever."

Content?

About six months ago I looked around our home and decided that we either "needed" to do some more remodeling or we "needed" to move. I did some internet searching and learned that there was a very big gap between the price range of our home and the next available homes that would meet our needs (4-5 bedrooms, school district, etc.). We decided we could not in good conscience pursue a new home and we would pursue some remodeling.

Well, Scott has many hobbies. Our farm, running, and hunting just to name a few. So projects sometimes take a while. Now I will admit some of these projects could have been done or at least started by me. So here it is almost September and though we have accrued some supplies we have not actually started any of the original projects. We did get distracted and clean and paint the garage floors and walls. This looks great, though I do not spend a lot of time sitting in my garage, maybe I should!

So yesterday was the parade of homes in our fine area. Most homes are in another town/school district so we just tour them for ideas. But one house was in our area and it was very nice. So I began to dream again. We could quickly finish a few projects at our house, sell, and move into a brand new home! I talked to the builder and brought home lots of information for Scott. He was at our farm, so not with Noelle, mom and I. We talked briefly about the house yesterday and this morning I said, "So what did you think? Would you like to go see it?"

He said that I needed to be content. WHAT?? I am content. I am not a big spender, I don't always seek the newest and best, for heaven sakes we are great givers and we are in the process of adopting!!

Or am I content. I was so insulted that he would imply that I am not content. But obviously if I am looking at another home with any degree of seriousness I am not content. And if I am not content with my home in what other ways am I not content. And how do I become content.

I Timothy 6: 6-10
"Yet true religion with contentment is great wealth. After all, we didn't bring anything with us when we came into the world, and we certainly cannot carry anything with us when we die. So if we have enough food and clothing, let us be content. But people who long to be rich fall into temptation and are trapped by many foolish and harmful desires that plunge them into ruin and destruction. For the love of money is at the root of all kinds of evil. And some people, craving money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with sorrows."

I have never felt that I loved money, but do I love the things that money has allowed us to buy, like my home? I don't feel like I am any where close to wandering from my faith, but how distracted am I?

I hate it when he's right.

The Hiding Place

I love to read. One of the many things I enjoy about the adoption yahoo groups and blogs that I have been following the past year or so is the reading lists. I keep my own list of the books I read about that I would like to read. I have just finished Corrie ten Boom's "The Hiding Place". There are many extraordinary things in Corrie's tale about surviving WWII in Holland. I love to open my eyes to the struggles of the world both now and in the past. It gives me such an appreciation for how truly blessed we are. I checked this particular book out at the library and the version I received has a section at the end titled, "Three Ways to Put This Book to Work in Your Own Life". I would like to summarize this section.

(1) God governs all things, even those that appear to us senseless or cruel.

Like waiting to pick up our angel, like watching a 3 year old suffer from cancer, like war, and on and on. One by one, transfer your worries from your own care to God's "Lord, because I do not have the answers to these things I do not therefore conclude that there are no answers. You know why, Lord, and when I am strong enough-wise enough, loving enough-you will show me, too." Amazing to think that we may not be ready for the "whole story", but God in His wisdom knows when the perfect time is.

(2) God supplies grace for present need.

Don't run ahead of God's supply of grace and strength. Don't "borrow trouble". Matthew 6:34, "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." And verse 27, "Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life." This is especially good for me to remember when I have two children on the other side of the world/equator.

(3) God wills us to give thanks.

Now, not when every issue is resolved. "Our praise and gratitude in some mysterious way open the door for Him to bless us as He wishes." Think about some issues that you are most definitely NOT thankful for. Now set yourself the discipline of giving thanks daily for these things as well. See how God is able to use your changed attitude to change facts. For Corrie, it was fleas in her bunk in the concentration camp. Yuck! What possible good could come from that? She found out that the guards avoided their room for this very reason allowing them freedom to share the gospel!

Our God is amazing!!

Encouragement

Romans 11:33-36

"Oh, what a wonderful God we have! How great are His riches and wisdom and knowledge! How impossible it is for us to understand His decisions and His methods! For who can know what the Lord is thinking? Who knows enough to be His counselor? And who could ever give Him so much that He would have to pay it back? For everything comes from Him; everything exists by His power and is intended for His glory. To Him be glory evermore. Amen."

Hebrews 11:1

"What is faith? It is the confident assurance that what we hope for is going to happen. It is the evidence of things we cannot yet see."

Thank you, Elke and Angie!

This stinks!

I don't know how else to put it...this stinks!! Jessica from CHI just called and we have been given a court date of October 3. So almost 3 months from now we may hear the status of our adoption, assuming nothing goes wrong. I have no idea how those adopting from China can handle the long wait that they endure. I feel just sick right now. I can't see the sense in this.

Isaiah 55:8&9
"'For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,' declares the Lord. 'As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.'"

Adoption is not for the feint of heart. Someone said that, and it is so true. Last April when we decided to pursue adoption, I was 40 years old. Tomorrow I will turn 42. I so wanted to hear that we would be traveling soon. I know that time goes quickly, but October seems like forever. My darling child may learn to walk before I meet her. It is breaking my heart.

For those of you that know our sweet son, Jake. You can be praying for him. He is now in Argentina for a month long trip with Teen Mania/Global Expeditions. Noelle says that being an only child is no fun! Pray for his safety, that he would draw close to God, and for his food choices (he is fructose intolerant).

Tornadoes

Tornadoes struck the Midwest with a vengeance. We are fine, as is our house. One of Noelle's teachers lost her home and a family that formally attended our church also lost their home. Both families are alright. However, seven people have lost their lives. Please join us in praying for their families and communities. Scott is joining some clean up efforts. It is so hard to know how to help. It seems like disaster after disaster has struck the world lately.

Matthew 24:6-8, "And wars will break out near and far, but don't panic. Yes, these things must come, but the end won't follow immediately. The nations and kingdoms will proclaim war against each other, and there will be famines and earthquakes in many parts of the world. But all this will be only the beginning of the horrors to come."

Are you ready? Is your neighbor or friend or family member ready? We do not know how long we have here on this earth.

2 Peter 3:15a, "And remember, the Lord is waiting so that people have time to be saved."

John 3:3, "Jesus replied, 'I assure you, unless you are born again, you can never see the Kingdom of God.'"

John 3:16, "For God so loved the world that He gave His only Son, so that everyone who believes in Him will not perish but have eternal life."

Jewels

I finished reading Kay Warren's book, "Dangerous Surrender", and listening to the accompanying information on her website. Her are just a couple of the things that struck me:

*Luke 12:48, "Much is required from those to whom much is given."

*Ephesians 6:12, "This is no afternoon athletic contest that we'll walk away from and forget about in a couple of hours. This is for keeps, a life-or-death fight to the finish against the Devil and all his angels." (the Message)

*"The Lord of all calls us to live lives of love, mercy, and grace thus making the invisible God visible. It's not a matter of one or the other; we must care for both body and soul. We are Christ's ambassadors. If we fail, he has no plan B."

*"Become a positive advocate for you own local church by speaking well of it, in spite of its limitations." Maybe for most of you this is a no-brainer, but our church has been in turmoil for so long that some days this is a hard one for me.

*God wants us to be surrendered, disturbed and ruined for his people!

On the adoption front the Lord is teaching me patience, which is a character quality I have always said I do not have. We received the DVD of waiting children Friday night. Noelle and I anxiously watched it. Not Scott and I, because he was out of town. We feel like we know exactly which children are ours. We're dying for Scott to get home. He does, Sunday night at midnight. Monday night he falls asleep at 7:00 and sleeps until 6:00 this morning. Obviously the man needed sleep, but enough already! So we are praying that tonight we can sit down as a family and contemplate this huge issue before us. Talk about life changing! I am hoping that without too much encouragement that Jake will join us, at least for awhile. More as soon as I know more!

Amazing books

I am currently reading two books: "Dangerous Surrender" by Kay Warren and "What Happens When Women Walk in Faith" by Lysa Terkeurst. They are really blowing me away. Kay recommends the above song, and I totally agree. It captures how I feel; how I want to feel! I am also participating in a "Daniel Fast". (See http://www.danielfast.wordpress.com/) I am not ready to comment a lot on that, other than I felt led to fast on behalf of our adoption and nothing "fit" until I came across this plan.

Some quotes from Lysa's book: "Leave the way you've always done life and start doing things differently with God. Leave the attitude, leave the stubborn pride, leave the right to be right, leave the control, and biggest of all, leave the unbelief."

"God does indeed have a plan. Not just a good plan. Not even a really good plan. God has the perfect plan."

Psalm 68:6a, "God places the lonely in families..."

"A life that requires very little faith is not a life that God will use. When we are willing to embark on a life that requires faith, we are more aware of God and His ability to provide for us in every detail of our lives. We won't wait until everything in our lives is in order and then decide, "Okay, now I have the time to work on living by faith." We will never have everything in order, and faith can't be dispensed like a can of soda from a machine. Faith is learned through life."

Psalm 37:5, "Commit everything you do to the Lord, trust Him, and He will help you."

"When you're embarking on an adventure with God, it's easy to get bombarded by all the "what ifs" of the task at hand...Instead of looking at the impossibilities of the adoption, we (Lysa and her husband) ultimately decided to step out in faith according to shat we knew God was telling us to do. When doubt began to take root, we depended on God to work out the unknowns...We knew we served a big God who could handle all that we had to cast upon Him."

That's just a taste to whet your appetite. On the adoption front, we have not yet received the waiting child DVD, and Scott and Jake are out of town until Sunday evening. So we will not be making any decisions in the next day or so. Though I am on pins and needles as I wait! Noelle is as excited as I am, so that makes it fun! We check out the list and photos almost every day.

Adoption update

Last Monday, we submitted a request to Acres of Hope to return our dossier. Aaron Wilson called a couple of days ago and said that Patty (the director) would bring our dossier back from Liberia with her next week and he would return it at that time. He also said we would be refunded half of the program fee we have paid. We are very grateful for this. We were not sure that would happen. It would appear that the rumors about adoptions in Liberia may turn out to be true. The information about Liberia slowing down and possibly shutting down adoptions has been suggested by more than one other agency. We are relieved to be heading another direction.

We are about 98% sure that we will be pursuing an adoption from Ethiopia through the African Widows and Orphans Project (http://www.awop.org/). We are very impressed with Michelle Gardner and the other representatives that we have talked to. We are very comfortable with the process that they go through to try to help families in country before turning to adoption. We are pleased that they offer adoption training that is specific to Ethiopian adoptions.

As I consider what positive things have come from this wait, I love to speculate what treasure God has in store for us. Since we considered Ethiopia before Liberia, someone suggested that we had strayed from God's plan when we considered AoH. I guess we won't know for awhile. I do know that we have expanded our vision of what an orphan looks like for us, our picture of what our child might look like and how he or she might fit into our family. God is preparing our hearts to accept an older child if that is what He desires. He has worked on my heart regarding siblings, though I would be petrified!!! Scott is still not sure about that one. Pray for us as we consider the waiting child list. I love that they are waiting, rather than us waiting. I hope that makes sense. But it is scary to feel like we are picking out our child. When we were waiting for a referral it felt more like God was picking out our child. I pray that God would speak to Scott and I about the same child and that there would be no doubt in out minds.

I pray that God would work out the logistics of the training weekend so that both of our children could attend. The first training is in May and Noelle has a program at school that would be very difficult to miss especially since she has had Thailand and play absences. The next one is in July and I think Jake will be gone on his Argentina missions trip. I REALLY want Jake to go!

I am so excited to be active in our adoption journey again! Doing nothing but waiting was killing me. At least now I get to redo our papers, etc. again. OK, maybe that is weird to want to do paperwork, but at least it seems like something is being done toward forward progress.

Psalm 9:1&2,
"I will thank you, Lord, with all my heart; I will tell of all the marvelous things you have done. I will be filled with joy because of you. I will sing praises to your name, O Most High!"

Discouragement, with a capital D!

Hopefully the process of sorting out my thoughts and emotions for this entry will be therapuetic. Monday was sort of a down day. I felt discouraged by the adoption process, seems like all the news is bad news...more on that later. Our house is a disaster. I used to love my house. I still like my bedroom, the kitchen and our basement, remodeled a year or two ago. But the rest of it just fell apart, with some assistance from a twelve pound terror of a dog and two active kids. All of a sudden everything seems old and in disrepair. Not something I am good at ignoring. However, it takes time, energy and money to solve these issues. And a willing partner, hey Scott, is helpful as well.

So that was Monday. Tuesday started out OK. I made it to Bible Study and had lunch with my mentee, Corah. I even got to climb in the tubes at Burger King with her son, Elijah. It always does my heart good to play. I felt like God, and Beth Moore, had a word for me. Beth said to "go with you last clear word from God". Since I have felt like we are floundering in this adoption process, that made sense. I have said I don't feel called to give up, in fact, I haven't even felt a strong nudge to change agencies despite everything. But I know that when we started this process, GOD CALLED US TO ADOPT FROM LIBERIA! So the only other word I have recieved is...WAIT.

Psalm 27:13&14
"I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord: be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord."

Psalm 130:5
"I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in his word I put my hope."

Isaiah 40:27-31
"O Israel, how can you say the Lord does not see your troubles: How can you say God refused to hear your case? Have you never heard or understood? Don't you know that the Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of all the earth? He never grows faint or weary. No one can measure the depths of his understanding. He gives power to those who are tired and worn out; he offers strength to the weak. Even youths will become exhausted , and young men will give up. But those who wait on the Lord will find new strengh. They will fly high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint."

Deuteronomy 31:8
"The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."

Do you know what is funny? I thought that making the decision to adopt was the hard part. I thought that we decided, we did our part of the leg work, AoH did their part, we accepted a referral and we brought our child home. I was not prepared for the stops and starts, the hills and valleys. An update of the valleys: there are rumors that AoH will be shut down, there are rumors that adoptions in Liberia will be stopped, there are rumors that travel time will be changed to three weeks, Adopt International is not accepting more applications until they process their pilot families (which effectively takes away that option for now). It seems as if every time I read my email there is more bad news.

Today there was a post that said that AoH has given out five referrals. But if we received a call what would we do. Could we handle the ride through uncertainty if we accepted? I pray that God would continue to give Scott and I unity as we approach each crossroads. I am feeling led to commit this process more to the Lord. That may sound silly at this point, but with Lent in the back of my mind I wonder if I should be fasting. Side note: I have always struggled with fasting because of the whole diet thing. I never feel like I can commit to fasting without thinking, "Oh, and I might lose weight while I'm at it." Oh well, something else for me to ponder.

Well, I just got off the phone with my mother -in- law and she reminded me that there is a world out there in crisis. China is having blizzards and the south is having tornadoes. People are suffering and I need to remember the big picture. By the way, if you live in the Minneapolis area check out http://www.dangerousman.org/. My father-in-law wrote this book and is helping to host conferences for men. The next one is in Minneapolis February 23rd. How amazing if each one of us would be dangerous for the Lord! Speaking of which, I finished a really good book from the Voice of the Martys called "Hearts of Fire" about women in the underground church. Very inspiring. (See http://www.vombooks.com/)

Wow, that's enough babbling for today. Have a dangerous and not discouraged day. "Look to the Lord and his strength; seek his face always." Psalm 105:4

Blessed be the name of the Lord!

The last four or five days have been trying in regards to our adoption process. There have been rumors regarding the integrity of our adoption agency. We were alerted to these issues Friday morning by a family that was concerned that we make an informed decision before accepting a referral. We received this information just minutes before Scott was scheduled to leave town. For four days I was left to process this staggering information and seek more details. I felt as if someone had punched me in the stomach. I tried to research other options and pray for wisdom. When Scott returned Monday evening I shared with him the new information I had received. Scott said, "our child is in Liberia and we need to get him or her." That is what was in my heart all weekend. God is so good that He would bless us with this like mindedness. I still pray for His wisdom as we sort through the information that continues to come to us. I pray for protection for us and our child.

As I did my Beth Moore study on Sunday afternoon God blessed me with His presence.

"Have you learned how to let Christ minister to you? Let me make this assignment: let Christ love you today. Curl up in His arms and tell Him you need Him. Until you learn to let Him serve you at the point of your need, you will never be truly free to serve others. "

Zephaniah 3:17: "The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing."

I have never been overly good at visualization. But that afternoon in my kitchen, I let
God draw me up on His lap and comfort me. He is there to meet our every need.