Tuesday, August 11, 2009

You fail

"You fail." This is one of Jake's new lines. Not sure where it is from. Sometimes he even says, "You fail at life." You have to know him to know that it is not as bad as it sounds. But some days I do feel as if I fail. I feel as if I am stretched so thin as a parent that I am failing each one of my children in at least one way. How on earth do parents of larger families connect with each of their children?? I feel as if my role as a mom is taking so much of me right now that I am not a very good wife. I am asking a lot and not giving very much. I know that (or hope that) this is just a season. Our marriage (almost 22 years) has weathered many seasons. God has really thrown me (us) a curve ball this year. The challenges that we have faced have been so much different than I expected. My life is so much different than I expected.

Please, God. Fill me with your peace. Help me to communicate to each of my children how much I love them and more importantly how much You love them! Sustain Scott and I during this time when time alone is hard to find. Encourage us with unity in our decision making. (So many decisions to make!) Thank you for this terrific family that you have blessed us with. May each one of us grow to want to please You only!
Amen (so be it!)

1 comment:

theMom said...

Hi Diane,

We just got home from a 4000+ mile vacation, so I am only now seeing your post from earlier in the month.

I hope to write more later, but I wanted to offer you these few words of encouragement although they are in response to an older post. I'm sure there will be more days you might need it. I know I certainly have them.

You said, "I feel as if I am stretched so thin as a parent that I am failing each one of my children in at least one way. How on earth do parents of larger families connect with each of their children??"

I have heard it said, perhaps I even mentioned it before, that the number one reason for maternal stress is small families. I know this sounds weird, but in my experience, it is so true. Except for certain perpetual "failures" on my part, I was kind of, sort of, able to handle up to five kids.

But I always felt like a failure. Always. Every blaring thing I did wrong or just plain neglected to do, stood out in my mind.

See, I still thought I was supposed to handle it. I was supposed to provide the various things my children needed. Emotional, spiritual, temporal, educational...all these needs I had to provide. I was their mother after all.

But after five kids,... no way. Nuh, uh. I was totally, absolutely unable to do it. This realization did not suddenly dawn on me. It took several years and then kind of a gradual realization dawned. God, and not I, was providing for my children on all these levels. Since there was no way I could keep up with the house, the emotions, laundry, even the physical safety, I had to let that responsibility return to where it really belonged, to God.

He won't give you more than you can handle. He won't desert you. He will care for you. And your kids. And your husband. And your marriage.

Matt 6:28-9 "See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these."

Proverbs 3:5 "Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding"

As sinners we are not able to "do it all." Try as we might we will always feel like a failure if we look to our own human success. But God does not look at the outward appearances of things and we ought not to be tempted to judge ourselves that way either.

God judges us based on Christ's righteousness which is freely given to us. If He can forgive our failures, we must give ourselves the same grace.

I love where in Hebrews, God has His writer list the heroes of faith. He includes Isaac for blessing Jacob instead of Esau. And yet we know from Genesis that Isaac never intended to bless Jacob. Yet God sees only the righteousness that Jesus won for Isaac all those years later. God looked upon Isaac as though his intentions were always to bless Jacob.

It always amazes me and gives me hope. This passage more than any others proves to me that God truly sees only the good we ought to do.

And I know it's easy to think that even though you may feel assured of God's mercy, that your kids, husband, friends, whoever, still need the emotional, physical, or whatever kind of help and support. But that, too God will provide.

He will not let your kids reach adulthood without the tools he knows they need for their lives. Either you are providing better than you think, or He will provide another person to help them, or What you see as necessary is not truly so at this time. Trust His promises. He will not leave or forsake them. He will not give them more than they can handle. And He will provide them with what they need when it is needed.

I guess I got longer than I intended. Hope things are feeling more positive for you.