Preparing my heart

Jake, our 15 year old, says that I am addicted to blogging. Since it is 4:00 am I might have to agree. Though I prefer to think that God is preparing my heart for adoption. I told Scott, on a walk last night, that I wished that he had time to spend staying up to date with the blogs, etc. It is putting my heart in such an open place. I feel so open at this point I will not be surprised by anything in our referral. I just hope that AoH is wise enough to look beyond the parameters we placed on ourselves (under one and with minor health issues that could be dealt with in the US). I am almost scared to type this, but I feel like God may be preparing me for a "limb deficiency". It keeps coming up in everything I am reading. I just pray that if that is the case that my family's hearts will be prepared as well.

Early in our decision making process I spoke with a family in the adoption process from Texas. They were adopting from Ethiopia, one of the countries we were considering. I called them because they had older siblings. She said that even if the adoption did not go through, the way their family has drawn together throughout the process has been amazing. I feel that way about the closeness I am feeling with my Lord. The others, in the AoH group, share such amazing scriptures, etc. that they make me feel immature in my faith. It is almost embarrassing since many of them are in their 20s and 30s and I am 41. I hate it when I feel like I am wasting the gift of my relationship with Christ. Pray that I would pursue Him in an unprecedented way!