Saturday, September 15, 2007

Preparing my heart

Jake, our 15 year old, says that I am addicted to blogging. Since it is 4:00 am I might have to agree. Though I prefer to think that God is preparing my heart for adoption. I told Scott, on a walk last night, that I wished that he had time to spend staying up to date with the blogs, etc. It is putting my heart in such an open place. I feel so open at this point I will not be surprised by anything in our referral. I just hope that AoH is wise enough to look beyond the parameters we placed on ourselves (under one and with minor health issues that could be dealt with in the US). I am almost scared to type this, but I feel like God may be preparing me for a "limb deficiency". It keeps coming up in everything I am reading. I just pray that if that is the case that my family's hearts will be prepared as well.

Early in our decision making process I spoke with a family in the adoption process from Texas. They were adopting from Ethiopia, one of the countries we were considering. I called them because they had older siblings. She said that even if the adoption did not go through, the way their family has drawn together throughout the process has been amazing. I feel that way about the closeness I am feeling with my Lord. The others, in the AoH group, share such amazing scriptures, etc. that they make me feel immature in my faith. It is almost embarrassing since many of them are in their 20s and 30s and I am 41. I hate it when I feel like I am wasting the gift of my relationship with Christ. Pray that I would pursue Him in an unprecedented way!


amber said...

Wow... this was a great, honest 4:00 Am post!! I've had those 4 Am talks with God and then the next day said... Oh, my gosh... WHAT did I say I was willing to do??? It's God's grace that He leads us day by day and hears our middle-of-the-night heart cries and knows our longings... and yet never forces anything on us. He waits until we are ready.

I am excited to see what God does in the next weeks and months with your adoption!
How are things with the prayer request you shared last week? I've been thinking and praying about it and keep meaning to email you...

I am "addicted" to blogs, too... I am so inspired and convicted and encouraged by reading what God is sharing with other people. There just isn't enough time to read as many as I would like! (Unless I stay up really late, too... and I do on occasion! :)

Anyway, I just wanted to tell you that I appreciated this post and I am excited for you and your open hearts. May God lead you!


Brandi said...

Oh, I love your sweet heart. I love this time you are in, just waiting on the edge of your seat for who God has for you. Ok, I LOVE the whole adoption process. I love us all sitting together on the edges of our seats, waiting for a BIG God to do Big things!!!

I too, am addicted to Blogging. I was away for the weekend and missed it! Can I confess that I checked some blogs while at the wedding reception from my iphone?! Aaagh, does that mean I have a problem?

I can't wait to hear all that God will do in your family through your new little one, but also in your heart through this process! I love how much I'm learning right now!

Love ya,

Anonymous said... that heart may be suprised, and forever changed! God knows EXACTLY the child he wants you to have! Love, DEnise