No, we are NOT adopting again. But based on our experiences there are huge differences between adopting a younger child and an older child. For me the bonding process has been much more difficult. With Sabrina it was very natural. Even though she was 17 months old, she felt even younger. We were the ones that taught her to walk and talk. Almost from day one she has felt no different than our biological children. Even though I am not a huge physical touch person I think it was so valuable to carry her, snuggle her, tuck her in bed, etc.
Having missed the gradual bonding process with Teme, I am still at a loss. Having been the main caretaker for Noelle and being pulled in so many directions our survival mode has been, Scott takes care of Teme and I take care of Noelle. We have managed to maintain shared parenting of Sabrina.
So here I am. Trying to live with and parent a child that sometimes feels like a stranger. HELP! I know that some adoptive parents read my blog. If you have suggestions please let me know. The counselor I am seeing does specialize in adoption issues so I am hoping this will help in time as well.
Friday, May 30, 2014
Another adult in the family!
I can hardly believe it...Noelle turned 18 on the 28th!
This is one of my favorite pictures from when Noelle was little. The funniest part is she basically refused to participate in tee ball after this picture was taken.
Now my beautiful girl is 18! Crazy!
We had lunch at Sakura, a Japanese grill, with Scott, Sabrina, Teme, Grandma and Grandpa and Aunt Karen. Then Noelle and I took an overnight trip to Des Moines. We were able to book a hotel with our points from our long stay in Arizona. Jake met us for supper at Biaggi's. (They have a gluten free menu.) Noelle used her birthday money at her favorite stores, Lush and Vera Bradley.
No more signing medical forms:)
This is one of my favorite pictures from when Noelle was little. The funniest part is she basically refused to participate in tee ball after this picture was taken.
Now my beautiful girl is 18! Crazy!
We had lunch at Sakura, a Japanese grill, with Scott, Sabrina, Teme, Grandma and Grandpa and Aunt Karen. Then Noelle and I took an overnight trip to Des Moines. We were able to book a hotel with our points from our long stay in Arizona. Jake met us for supper at Biaggi's. (They have a gluten free menu.) Noelle used her birthday money at her favorite stores, Lush and Vera Bradley.
No more signing medical forms:)
Stop the ride...
we want to get off!
Thanks for your continued prayers. The flight home went as well as it could have. We were met at the airport by Scott, Sabrina and my sister, Karen. They came bearing a sign, flowers and balloons! We arrived home to more balloons and Noelle's room all decorated! Grandma and Grandpa, Jake and Teme welcomed us home.
The first two and a half days were great. Noelle drove for the first time in a long time! We attended Sabrina's patriotic program and our first graduation open houses of the season. But by Saturday evening Noelle was in tremendous pain.
I think readjusting to the chaos of home has been difficult for both of us. The backward/forward progress of trying to become asymptomatic has been frustrating. As always, the emotional symptoms are harder to handle than the physical. Honestly, we are both dealing with anxiety and depression. Noelle is continuing to implement the supplement program that was suggested with her neurotransmitter testing. I have decided it is time for some counseling. Seven years of dealing with chronic illness and two adoptions may be taking me over the edge.
Friday, the 6th, will be our first telephone follow up with Noelle's doctor from Arizona. Noelle is definitely doing better than before we left. We have been telling people 20% better. She has not used the wheel chair for at least a month. She spends more time up and around than before. Her pain leaves more quickly than it did before treatment. Her emotional symptoms are worse, more akin to what they were when she was younger. We followed up with her neurologist earlier this week and she said the pressure has decreased. Noelle does have to continue on the medication and we will follow up again in three months. Currently she is fighting a bad cold which is not very welcome.
Noelle has been able to do some school work! She completed one of the eleven credits she has left. YEAH! She also applied for an apartment in the fall. She is so ready to be independent. We are all praying that she is assigned great roommates and that her symptoms will allow her to live comfortably on her own.
And so the ride continues!
Thanks for your continued prayers. The flight home went as well as it could have. We were met at the airport by Scott, Sabrina and my sister, Karen. They came bearing a sign, flowers and balloons! We arrived home to more balloons and Noelle's room all decorated! Grandma and Grandpa, Jake and Teme welcomed us home.
The first two and a half days were great. Noelle drove for the first time in a long time! We attended Sabrina's patriotic program and our first graduation open houses of the season. But by Saturday evening Noelle was in tremendous pain.
I think readjusting to the chaos of home has been difficult for both of us. The backward/forward progress of trying to become asymptomatic has been frustrating. As always, the emotional symptoms are harder to handle than the physical. Honestly, we are both dealing with anxiety and depression. Noelle is continuing to implement the supplement program that was suggested with her neurotransmitter testing. I have decided it is time for some counseling. Seven years of dealing with chronic illness and two adoptions may be taking me over the edge.
Friday, the 6th, will be our first telephone follow up with Noelle's doctor from Arizona. Noelle is definitely doing better than before we left. We have been telling people 20% better. She has not used the wheel chair for at least a month. She spends more time up and around than before. Her pain leaves more quickly than it did before treatment. Her emotional symptoms are worse, more akin to what they were when she was younger. We followed up with her neurologist earlier this week and she said the pressure has decreased. Noelle does have to continue on the medication and we will follow up again in three months. Currently she is fighting a bad cold which is not very welcome.
Noelle has been able to do some school work! She completed one of the eleven credits she has left. YEAH! She also applied for an apartment in the fall. She is so ready to be independent. We are all praying that she is assigned great roommates and that her symptoms will allow her to live comfortably on her own.
And so the ride continues!
Tuesday, May 13, 2014
Travel Time!
Monday, Noelle did not make it to treatment. Still lots of emotions and pain! We did make it today. We got to say goodbye to all the staff and patients we have gotten to know during our stay. So many people with so many great physical needs, cancer and lyme.
Now that we have started packing Noelle has started to become VERY anxious about travel tomorrow. Please pray with me that God would be with her in a super-natural way. It will be a lot to get all our luggage there and it will be difficult for both of us if her emotions are out of check. Noelle can have full blown panic attacks. Please pray against this!
Now that we have started packing Noelle has started to become VERY anxious about travel tomorrow. Please pray with me that God would be with her in a super-natural way. It will be a lot to get all our luggage there and it will be difficult for both of us if her emotions are out of check. Noelle can have full blown panic attacks. Please pray against this!
Sunday, May 11, 2014
Blessed!
Feeling so blessed to day! Hated being away from the rest of my family, but my little girl treated me like a queen!
Presents from Lush, of course!
I beautiful scarf that says thank you in many languages.
The yummiest smelling hand lotion, with proceeds going to Ethiopia!
Then she gave me a wonderful pedicure:) And I reciprocated. We used all the fun spa things that Teri and Char sent to us. (Thanks again ladies.) By the way, in a pinch you can do a foot soak in a dutch oven. Probably best for sizes 9 and under.
We decided to do a late lunch/early supper. We went to a fantastic restaurant with a huge menu! Scottsdale Station. We first went when Scott and Sabrina were here. We still had the brunch menu so I got the Crab Benedict, with an included glass of champagne. Noelle was so excited to have the Filet she had had previously. Unfortunately there were some issues but the manager comped her meal so that was amazing. Then they have bite sized desserts so we shared cheesecake, lemon tart and carrot cake!
Next up, a trip to World Market. We had never been there but we will definitely be going back! Apparently they have one in Des Moines. So much fun!
Apparently Noelle thinks she will be baking in her apartment in the fall. She wanted to buy everything in the store, so we will definitely be shopping there again later in the summer.
Table runner for my dining room table. Maybe it will distract people from the hole in my wall. (From fixing the leaking pipe. I think they are actually repairing it this week.)
So truly a great day! Love my babies!
Presents from Lush, of course!
I beautiful scarf that says thank you in many languages.
The yummiest smelling hand lotion, with proceeds going to Ethiopia!
Then she gave me a wonderful pedicure:) And I reciprocated. We used all the fun spa things that Teri and Char sent to us. (Thanks again ladies.) By the way, in a pinch you can do a foot soak in a dutch oven. Probably best for sizes 9 and under.
We decided to do a late lunch/early supper. We went to a fantastic restaurant with a huge menu! Scottsdale Station. We first went when Scott and Sabrina were here. We still had the brunch menu so I got the Crab Benedict, with an included glass of champagne. Noelle was so excited to have the Filet she had had previously. Unfortunately there were some issues but the manager comped her meal so that was amazing. Then they have bite sized desserts so we shared cheesecake, lemon tart and carrot cake!
Next up, a trip to World Market. We had never been there but we will definitely be going back! Apparently they have one in Des Moines. So much fun!
Apparently Noelle thinks she will be baking in her apartment in the fall. She wanted to buy everything in the store, so we will definitely be shopping there again later in the summer.
Table runner for my dining room table. Maybe it will distract people from the hole in my wall. (From fixing the leaking pipe. I think they are actually repairing it this week.)
So truly a great day! Love my babies!
Happy Mother's Day!
It's true! Thanks mom for all you have done all these years and for all you continue to do! (Especially how you have taken care of my family while I have been in Arizona!) I LOVE YOU!
Just two days of treatment left!
Wednesday: We did not make it to treatment. Noelle's stomach was still a mess.
Thursday: We met with Dr. Oertle for our "exit" appointment. He really is wonderful. Great at explaining things and very positive. He is concerned that Noelle is not feeling better than she is, as are we. However, he continues to encourage us that many patients do not begin to feel really well until they are about a month out from treatment. He did a wonderful job of explaining further the results of Noelle's neurotransmitter test. He feels confident that balancing out her system is going to be a tremendous help. Turns out one of her lowest numbers is connected to the "fight or flight" response, which may explain her almost lethargic nature. (Obviously a lot of that is caused by how crappy she feels, but this is another piece of the puzzle.)
The decision was made to discontinue all antibiotics and just give Noelle treatments that will build her system up until we leave.
Friday: Treatment went pretty well. However, in the evening Noelle developed an extreme pain in her foot, ankle and later leg. After lots of medications she was able to get to sleep. This is very discouraging since her pain has appeared to have improved.
Saturday: Noelle slept until noon! We soon realized that although she had been able to return to sleep, her pain was not gone. After speaking with Scott I become concerned that the pain in Noelle's leg might be a blood clot. Noelle does have a blood clotting factor. We (I) decided we should go to the E.R. to get an all clear. We did go, and we did get an all clear. After being interrogated by a doctor about Noelle's Lyme treatments, pursuit of pain relief, etc. It was very frustrating. I felt like it was my fault and that I should have never mentioned it. In general we have gotten empathetic responses to Noelle's Lyme disease. Every once in a while we get someone who is not willing to entertain the chronic lyme diagnosis. Very frustrating. He did order an ultrasound of Noelle's leg so we can be pretty confident there is not a clot despite the unusual pain.
She is still in considerable pain so praying that she can get to sleep tonight and that she will be much improved in the morning.
Thursday: We met with Dr. Oertle for our "exit" appointment. He really is wonderful. Great at explaining things and very positive. He is concerned that Noelle is not feeling better than she is, as are we. However, he continues to encourage us that many patients do not begin to feel really well until they are about a month out from treatment. He did a wonderful job of explaining further the results of Noelle's neurotransmitter test. He feels confident that balancing out her system is going to be a tremendous help. Turns out one of her lowest numbers is connected to the "fight or flight" response, which may explain her almost lethargic nature. (Obviously a lot of that is caused by how crappy she feels, but this is another piece of the puzzle.)
The decision was made to discontinue all antibiotics and just give Noelle treatments that will build her system up until we leave.
Friday: Treatment went pretty well. However, in the evening Noelle developed an extreme pain in her foot, ankle and later leg. After lots of medications she was able to get to sleep. This is very discouraging since her pain has appeared to have improved.
Saturday: Noelle slept until noon! We soon realized that although she had been able to return to sleep, her pain was not gone. After speaking with Scott I become concerned that the pain in Noelle's leg might be a blood clot. Noelle does have a blood clotting factor. We (I) decided we should go to the E.R. to get an all clear. We did go, and we did get an all clear. After being interrogated by a doctor about Noelle's Lyme treatments, pursuit of pain relief, etc. It was very frustrating. I felt like it was my fault and that I should have never mentioned it. In general we have gotten empathetic responses to Noelle's Lyme disease. Every once in a while we get someone who is not willing to entertain the chronic lyme diagnosis. Very frustrating. He did order an ultrasound of Noelle's leg so we can be pretty confident there is not a clot despite the unusual pain.
She is still in considerable pain so praying that she can get to sleep tonight and that she will be much improved in the morning.
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